The first marriage meeting. A time met with both anticipation and nerves. For many, this will not only be the first time you’ll get to speak with the brother/sister but also the first time you’ll get to see one another. This encounter could mark the very beginning of a journey that ends with a life-long marriage so, understandably, there’s potentially a lot at stake here. From first impressions, to what questions should be asked, to how you carry yourself and the list goes on. There are bound to be several questions circulating your mind regarding the right and wrong way to ‘meet’ for the first time.
This blog works to outline the main dos and don’ts of the ‘first marriage meeting’ to make sure that your first face to face encounter with the brother/sister is as smooth and bump free as possible.
Do Your Homework Before Hand
Finally crossing paths with a brother/sister that is actually suitable for marriage can sometimes feel surreal. Several of us will experience many failed marriage meetings before we finally experience one that actually feels right and where getting married to that particular brother/sister really does seem feasible. This will trigger senses of excitement and eagerness within us, which are understandable and are to be expected after such a long wait. However, these emotions can become dangerous when they cause us to rush the process and become restless. Resulting in you brushing over the vital step that so many others do out of sheer impatience: the vetting process.
Skipping or rushing the vetting process is a mistake committed by too many. Asking around before you sit down with the brother/sister can ensure you know the quality of their temperament and level of their piety. This will shed light on their true character and will help you accurately assess if there is compatibility between you two to an extent where a meeting would be necessary in the first place.
Know The Purpose Of A Marriage Meeting
Educating yourself about the islamic purpose of a marriage meeting can ensure you make the most of it and avoid any mistakes that will hinder the meetings efficacy. For instance, many assume that a woman who wears niqab is not allowed to unveil her face for her suitor, this has the undesirable impact of the brother not being able to develop attraction. Thus, the marriage meeting, that would have otherwise been a success, ends up hitting a brick wall.
Learning about the islamic purpose of the marriage meeting can also guarantee that you don’t transgress outside of limits set out by the deen. For instance, you’ll ensure that: her mehram is present, no uanessacry dialogue takes place, no make up is worn etc etc.
Enter The Process Already Knowing What You Want
Before you start looking for a spouse and having meetings, make sure that you already have a rough idea of what you’re looking for and what you’re definitely not looking for. This ensures that during the first marriage meeting you know exactly what to ask and what to clear up with them regarding your expectations for married life. However, make sure any un-negotiable deal breakers are disclosed before the meeting as basic compatibility needs to be established before you can meet.
First Impressions Matter
Not only do first impressions matter, they’re also long-lasting. Meaning that they’re often the first thing that the suitor and their family will remember about you no matter how long it’s been since the first meeting. Therefore, a good first impression can help secure the initial meeting’s success and can brighten how the sister/brother and their family perceive you.
Therefore, take care of your appearance and the clothes you decide to wear whilst staying within Islamic limits. However, remember not to put on a show and be yourself, she/he will not be marrying a decorated and spruced-up version of you, it going to be the ‘real you’, so be the ‘real you' from the get-go.
The bottom line is, when it comes to the first marriage meeting, awkwardness, clumsy conversation and some hiccups here and there are inescapable. But taking serious note of all thats been discussed in this blog can make what is inevitably going to be a fiddly process, go much smoother.