Modern-day society is plagued with multiple sources of fitnah surrounding Muslims at all times. Be it through social media, TV, the press, deviant cultural norms, etc., a believer’s iman is constantly being shaken and throttled. And the complexity of the matter is only amplified when you add ‘being married’ into the equation.

Marriage is a sacred and delicate covenant that requires constant nurturing and effort from the two parties involved.


Therefore, it’s incumbent upon all of us, married or single, to learn the various ways fitnah can impair a marriage, as well as learning how to prevent this.

Coming into a marriage with a mindset fuelled by fantastical and irrationally high expectations will risk the stability of any matrimony.For many Muslims, their only insight into what a ‘relationship’ will be like is through the fitnah of TV shows and social media couples. Both, no doubt, are major sources of fitnah, for several reasons, but in the context of sugar-coated expectations, they encourage many Muslims to adopt unrealistic ideas of what a marriage will look like.

Marriage, unarguably, is a blessing and a great sign from Allah تعالى, however, burdening it with sky-high expectations will taint its potential for greatness and khair with disappointment and grief instead.

For instance, matrimony can offer moments of true happiness; however, you’ll be blind to such moments if you went into marriage expecting a 24/7, never-ending joyride.

Constantly feeding your visual greed for more beauty of all kinds will prohibit you from ever feeling content with what you have, aka your current spouse. Islam commands both men and women to preserve their chastity through lowering their gaze and, of course, for good reason.

The nature of mankind is the more we look at, the more we’ll want. Thus, recklessly allowing your gaze to wander, obeying your lust and desires, aka looking beyond your spouse, will lead you wanting beyond your spouse.

This often happens subconsciously and takes the form of Muslims becoming lax and content with the idea of introducing the ways of the Kuffar into their marriages. Muslims often allow themselves to fall victim to this calamity by disregarding this ayah:

“Do not let your eyes crave what We have allowed some of the disbelievers to enjoy; the [fleeting] splendour of this worldly life, which We test them with.” 


This again ties in with the idea aforementioned: the more we look, the more we want. Lower your gaze from the Kuffar’s way of life and thereby, preserving your contentedness.

We rely so heavily upon Allah تعالى through du’a and obedience when we are single and searching for a spouse. However, our drive of devotion, that was once so strong and unstoppable, seems to wither once we become married.

Once Allah تعالى has freed us fromhardship by granting us a spouse, many of us remove piety from the forefront of our lives and place it on the back shelf.

If we want our marriage to be enshrouded with blessings, then we must realise that there is only

one that can do this for us, Allah تعالى.

“If they happen to be aboard a ship [caught in a storm], they cry out to Allah تعالى [alone] in sincere devotion. But as soon as He delivers them [safely] to shore, they associate [others with Him once again]. “

Fatality of Fitnah

When asked what type of husband/wife you want, the answer, more times than not, is vague. The answer will allude to characteristics such as righteousness, grace, kindness, etc. But what are the attributes in a person that will lead to the qualities given above? This question will often leave people stumped as they struggle to put their finger on the particular characteristics that make a spouse pious and nurturing.


Read on as we aim to shine light on the specific qualities that make someone ‘the best person to marry’. Learn not only to recognise these traits but also work on adopting them as your own if you haven’t already.

This is a person that shows respect for your private matters and doesn’t share them with anyone else. They’re like a gatekeeper for your secrets. This characteristic is so valuable, as trust and the ability to keep private matters private is paramount to the success of any marriage. This ensures that any conflicts or dirty laundry are strictly kept between you and your spouse and won’t spill out in conversation with the in-laws or any other third party.


This not only allows for tensions to be dealt with intimately between you and your wife/husband but also, having a spouse who is trustworthy, puts your mind at ease as you can be rest assured that all requests to keep something a secret will be respected and honoured.

A driven devotee describes a slave of Allah that is determined to learn the deen and increase in knowledge, to help them be the best possible husband/wife/mother/father they can be.

For instance, such a person will understand that in order to fulfil the sacred responsibility of being a husband/father, i.e. to lead in enjoining good in the household and forbidding evil, they must have strong foundational knowledge of Islam. Similarly, a wife who falls into this category will understand that in order for her to fulfil her duty as a mother, i.e. teaching and nurturing her children to be the best Muslims possible, she must have a strong grasp on what is central in Islam.

A spouse that is unapologetically pious will be one who never compromises when it comes to their duty to Allah. Having such a partner can ensure that they’ll, Insha’Allah, always refrain from admitting fitnah into the home, be it in the form of tv, film, bad language, deviant friends, riba-based mortgages, etc.

An unrighteous spouse can strip the marriage from baraqah; thus, having a spouse that will always put Allah first is chief to the success of any matrimony.

A man said to the Prophet ﷺ, "Advise me!” The Prophet ﷺ said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet ﷺ said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious.” (Al-Bukhaari)


The ability to hold one’s temper even in the most testing of circumstances is a strength that is highly praised and rewarded for in Islam. And for good reason, it’s a difficult trait to master; thus, a spouse that’s managed to tame their anger and prioritises rationale over rage easily falls into the category of being one of the best people to marry.

The Best Person To Marry

When asked to describe the characteristics of a bad husband or wife, many can provide a general picture, but few can give a clear list of specific traits.


That’s where this blog comes in, to highlight to you, in a succinct and digestible manner, the particular qualities that all sisters and brothers should avoid having so they can ensure that they don’t fall into the category of being ‘the worst person to marry’.

No one likes being around someone with a temper. You don’t feel safe or comfortable if you know they're going to tick off any minute over the most trivial of things. You’re on edge every moment you’re with them, dreading the inevitable onset of one of their ‘episodes’. Be it a family member, friend, boss, etc., it’s a nightmare. Now imagine being married to someone like this….

Spouses are supposed to be each other’s bedrock of support, source of peace and tranquility, a best friend, your very own cheerleader, and team player. However, a spouse with an explosive temper will be the direct opposite of this, and thus someone with volcanic anger must be avoided for marriage.


This describes the person who is keen to share their marital matters with all of those in their circle.Be it the highs or lows of the marriage, The Talker is up to share it all. This qualifies them to be amongst the worst people to marry as over-sharing marital blessings risks your marriage becoming victim to the evil eye.


Matters become even more complicated if he/she is publishing the conflicts that happen behind closed doors as this opens the floodgates to unjustified presumptions, harmful advice, meddling and the list goes on.

Marriage is hard work and I’m sure we’ve all heard it before. Especially when, Islamically, the husband has the responsibility of leading the household, while the wife has the duty of raising the children. Both of these weighty tasks require knowledge, i.e. comprehension of the Quran, sunnah, Arabic language, etc. Both motivation and consistency are fundamental in the pursuit of Islamic knowledge; however, both of these qualities are bound to be lacking in a lazy spouse who is content with their weak grasp on ‘ilm.


This will result in a mother who barely knows how to read basic Arabic, teaching your children Quran, and a husband who can barely enjoin the good and forbid the evil as his grasp on what ‘evil’ and ‘good’ mean in Islam is so weak.

The dangers of allowing bid’ah (innovation) into your home cannot be overstated. The risks are exacerbated when there are kids involved, as they’re bound to grow up confused about right and wrong in Islam, not to mention them becoming dangerously accepting of commonplace bid’ah such as amulets, mawlid, etc.

The Worst Person To Marry

The phrase men are from Mars and women are from Venus, owing to John Gray's book, has become the coined avenue to highlight the innate emotional differences between the male and female. Both sexes, although part of the same species, differ significantly in regards to all aspects cognitive.


It is often not until marriage when a man and woman for the first time fully begin to realise the great extent to which the two genders vary when it comes to ways of processing and expressing emotions as well as differing in the preferred approach to solving everyday dilemmas.


Read on as we dissect the multiplex that is female emotions and how brothers can approach understanding and living with them.

Although men and women are dissimilar in respects to many areas, there is one defining difference that if both sexes worked on understanding, a whole multitude of marital conflicts could be avoided: men are predominantly practical whereas women are more so emotional.


Struggling to understand this significant difference often leads to a great deal of frustrated confusion from the husband’s side. A female will often place greater weight on emotive value due to her nature of prioritising the 

. A husband who struggles to understand this will wrongly blame her for purposely overcomplicating, what is to him, a very linear path to the resolution.


Therefore, it is encouraged for the husband to yield the floor to his wife to vocally express how the situation is emotionally affecting her/her loved ones/ household etc before the husband takes the matter into his now hands to deal with it head on.

A husband learning how women cognitively differ to men gives him the potential to prevent several marital disputes, which makes this rule of thumb so important to understand.


Educating one’s self and growing to accept that a woman’s approach to a problem will almost always involve more emotion than your own approach means that you’ll limit frustration and any hurt you could cause as a result of that frustration.


Although, marital arguments can never completely be prevented and are a normal part of marriage, they can be kept far less explosive when the area of misunderstanding between the husband and wife is minimised. There are many simple ways to shrink this area of misunderstanding for instance, just by the brother asking ‘how does this make you feel?’ He’s allowing her to explicitly express her state of mind instead of casting away her emotions as something unimportant in the quest to find a solution which will only leave her feeling brushed off and hurt and the husband feeling confused as to what he’s done wrong.

Islam’s Approach To A Woman’s Emotions

Islam, being our ultimate source of wisdom and guidance, of course didn’t leave out how men can go about learning patience and kindness when it comes their womenfolk.

“Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a bent rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top part, so treat women kindly.” (Al-Bukhari)


Furthermore, men can find a great example in how the Prophet ﷺ dealt with an emotional outburst from ‘Aisha causing her to smash a plate in front of his guests. To which he ﷺ responded by calmly gathering the pieces whilst ushering his guests to eat, 

‘eat, your mother (Aisha) became jealous’ (an-Nasaa’i)

“live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allāh makes therein much good.” (Quran 4:19)

When Mars And Venus Clash

Nikkah in its purest form is no doubt one of Allah’s most beautiful and merciful signs to His creation.

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them.” 

However, when done incorrectly, marriage can quickly go from being a source of serenity to becoming a source of stress and conflict. A covenant as delicate and pure as Nikkah is bound to swiftly go downhill when tarnished with the errors and fallacies of the parties involved.

The worst part is, most of these issues are simple and totally avoidable, if only the spouses had educated themselves on the clear and easy-to-follow ‘dos and don’ts’ of marriage. Yet despite the simplistic nature of their errors, the consequences, contrastingly, hold the potential to augment into something deeply complex.

So let’s learn to steer clear from such mistakes, shall we?

Read on as we work to highlight the most common ‘marriage mistakes’ of today whilst also explaining how we can go about avoiding them.

A serene and harmonious marriage is no doubt a great form of rizq from Allah. It’s commonly known that a means of securing rizq is through unapologetic servitude to our Lord. Thus, if obedience opens the doors to provision, then it can also be said that disobedience could close those very same doors.

And from the start, countless couples commit the ‘marriage mistake’ of rebelling against Allah. Firstly, through a haram engagement process where the brother and sister start viewing each other as almost friends, and secondly through dubious weddings that are full of free-mixing, extravagance, and music.

If we want Allah’s rizq (in this case a harmonious marriage) from the start, then we must earn it from the start through strictly shunning deviance and enforcing halal.

This ‘marriage mistake’ brings several people into a matter that was originally just between you and your spouse. Thus, the issue that may have originally been minuscule becomes far larger, having now been beefed up with anger and conflicting opinions from various outside parties.

Hamper the risk of outside forces threatening the peace in your marriage by strictly keeping all touchy matters between you and your husband/wife. Now, of course, there may be unique scenarios where a third party is required, especially if the complexity of the conflict between you and your spouse exceeds what you’re both qualified to deal with. However, even when this is the case, spreading the word about your clash would still be discouraged, as getting a more experienced third party involved means one other person or very few other people.

‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’ Often what social media couples show to their viewers is nothing short of a sugar-coated and spruced-up reality of how their relationship really is. Thus, no doubt, gawking at these online couples and believing that such a flawless relationship is possible (spoiler alert: it’s not) will cause you to resent the flaws in your own matrimony. You will begin to strain not only your marriage with unrealistic expectations but also your spouse.

Ignorance of your obligations translates into negligence of your obligations, which essentially results in your spouse being denied their God-given rights. This deprivation is bound to cause frustration, conflict, and an imbalance of power.

Steer clear of this ‘marriage mistake’ by educating yourself on your obligations as a wife/husband to uphold harmony, balance, and justice in your marriage.

Avoiding The 'Marriage Mistakes’

As muslims, we believe every word in the Quran with full certainty and we aim to follow its teachings as well as the teachings in the Sunnah as best we can. Therefore, when the Quran designates marriage as a great sign from Allah and a powerful means of tranquility for His slaves, we accept this as the ultimate truth, thereby banishing any ideology that aims to tarnish and vilify marriage; Feminism.


Feminism has worked to tear down marriage from its mighty status by dubbing it as an oppressive and confining covenant against women.

‘Marriage Keeps Women Financially Subordinate'

Islam does not restrain a women’s financial freedom, in fact Islam consolidates such autonomy, as a woman maintains full control over her wealth (in a manner that is compliant with Allah’s laws). Moreover, the fact that her husband has to provide her all the necessities only strengthens herfinancial position further, as by her husband covering expenses, she is allowed to maximise how much of her own wealth is saved.

‘Marriage Prohibits Female Progression’

The wife’s place is the home. However, the home mustn’t be seen as a prison that shuts out the light; forbidding her from happiness and meaning. Rather on the contrary, the married home is an epicentre of growth and blossoming for the female as it’s often her abode where she will go from being a girl to becoming a woman. For it is the place where she fully comes into the role of a mother, an unarguably mighty and honourable duty and the place she fulfils the weighty responsibility of being the maintainer of the household.

‘Marriage Fuels Patriarchal Oppression’

Islam offers a plethora of teachings emphasising the importance of treating women with softness and grace. The evidence for this is strong, clear and plenty:

“The best of you are those who are the best to their wives”.

“I urge you to take care of the women.” 

"The Messenger of Allah never beat any of his servants, or wives.”

“You should feed her when you feed yourself, clothe her when you clothe yourself, you should not hit her on the face, you should not curse her.” 

‘Marriage Enforces Arbitrary Gender Roles’

Over the past century with a strong continuation into the current century, the wisdom behind gender roles in a marriage have been undermined by Feminism. In Islam, there is no question that men and women each have a different set of strengths so, therefore, it only makes sense that theyhave a different set of responsibilities. Men are more practical and calculative so they have been given the duty of leadership and provision, whereas women are more nurturing and emotionally intelligent thus they have been given the duty of caretaking and motherhood.

Feminism claims that marriage is financially oppressive towards women whilst Islam totally disproves this through preserving a females monetary autonomy both before and during matrimony.

Marriage is vilified by Feminism for halting female development whereas Islam grants women a abundance of opportunities through marriage for self-growth and progress such as motherhood and being the caretaker of the house.

Feminism yet again makes a grave miscalculation by dubbing marriage as harmful and repressive against women. This is disproven by an array of explicitly stated proofs in both the Quran and sunnan

Finally, Feminism works to undermine traditional gender roles, characterising them as backwards and senseless. On the contrary, Islam (as well as secular scientific and physiological literature) have determined women and men to be significantly different mentally and physically thus their roles in society must similarly be different.

4 Things That Feminism Has Gotten Wrong About Marriage

Love languages are a recently explored concept that explain the different ways people prefer to give and receive affection. There are five agreed-upon love languages: 

words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

 Each person has their own primary love language, and by understanding it, couples can strengthen their relationship and build deeper emotional bonds.

Failing to recognize your partner’s love language can lead to unintended consequences. You may be showing love, but not in a way your spouse truly perceives as love. This isn’t because they’re ungrateful, but rather because the expression doesn’t align with the way they naturally interpret affection.

At first, the concept of love languages may seem confusing—especially since marriage itself can already be complex. But in reality, learning your spouse’s (and your own) preferred form of affection brings clarity, not confusion. It helps you identify which gestures are most meaningful, allowing love to be expressed in ways that resonate deeply.

, speech is a powerful tool for emotional connection. Expressions of praise, appreciation, encouragement, or even simple kind words can uplift them and make them feel valued.

At the same time, they may also be more sensitive to criticism than others. Harsh words can cut deeper than you might expect.

If this is your spouse’s love language, make a conscious effort to use uplifting and compassionate words, while avoiding unnecessary negativity. Thoughtful speech will strengthen your bond and show them they are cherished.

This love language centers on thoughtful actions. A spouse feels deeply loved when their partner helps them—whether it’s cooking their favorite meal, handling errands, or taking care of small but meaningful tasks.

If this is your spouse’s love language, try to show love through practical help. Even small, considerate acts can create a big emotional impact. By easing their burdens, you demonstrate care and commitment.

For some, gifts are a tangible expression of love. The value lies not in the price, but in the thoughtfulness behind the gesture.

A bouquet of flowers, a book they’ve wanted, or a small surprise purchase can make them feel appreciated. Gifts serve as physical reminders that they are loved and remembered.

 feel most loved when they share undivided attention with their spouse. It doesn’t have to involve extravagant trips or lavish outings. Simply sitting together, engaging in meaningful conversation, or enjoying a quiet evening can foster intimacy.

The key is to be present. Put aside distractions—like phones—and invest time into being together. To someone with this love language, time spent with you is the greatest gift.

, affection is best expressed through physical closeness. Hand-holding, hugs, or gentle gestures all communicate warmth and reassurance.

Small touches carry big meaning for them, reinforcing a sense of connection and love.

Every person speaks a different love language. By learning your spouse’s, you unlock the key to expressing love in the way they understand it most. In doing so, you strengthen the emotional foundation of your marriage, turning everyday actions into meaningful gestures of affection.

The 5 Love Languages

Both spouses have been granted their rights by Islam. Although both sets of dues are sacred and safeguarded by the Almighty by His demand of respect for them, the rights of the husband have been enshrouded with greater weight and status. This is made clear by the hadith:

“If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands.”


In the Sunnah, a woman’s commitment to please Allah is tied to her commitment to please her husband. Furthermore, a woman’s chances of securing Jannah and avoiding Jahannam are directly linked to her attitude towards her husband. Therefore, every woman who is determined to avoid Hellfire, please Allah, and attain Jannah should also be determined to learn about the rights of the husband.

“No woman can fulfil her duty towards Allah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband.” 


Read on as we highlight the basic entitlements given to him as decreed by Allah.

Allah has made the man a qawwām (protector and maintainer) of the woman. One can really learn to understand the beauty of this ruling by looking into the linguistic meaning of qawwām. Many mistakenly allude qawwām to mean an unquestionable boss with complete authority over the wife no matter what the circumstance. Although the husband is due obedience, tyranny is not at all what qawwām is referring to. It comes from the term qiyām: to stand. Thus, the husband is also a strong support for his wife — her rock, helping her ‘stand.’

Thus, the husband has the right to command, direct, and lead the nurturing of his wife. In essence, he has been granted the status of her guardian and protector due to the superiority in mental and physical proficiency given to him by Allah:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.”

Once the nikkah is complete and the mahr is given, the wife becomes obliged to make herself physically available to her husband. This is one of his greatest rights, and if a wife refuses, she has committed a major sin — unless she has a valid shar‘i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.

“When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Conflicts in marriages must be kept to a minimum; this allows for harmony to flourish and blossom. One way to ensure this is by living with each other in kindness. Just as the wife is due grace from her husband, he too is owed similar from her.

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.” 

Not Allowing Who He Dislikes Into His House

One of the rights of the husband is that his wife should not admit anyone whom he dislikes into his home.

The family home in Islam is to be treated with honour and respect. Thus, both man and woman have a duty to safeguard the marital household. However, the responsibility to protect the home is heavier upon the wife, as evidenced by the hadith:

“Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed, and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house.” 

Rights Of The Husband 

Matrimony in Islam is built upon the strong foundations of rights and responsibilities. In a marriage, all rights must be considered — first and foremost the rights of Allah, and then those of the wife and husband.


This blog will be focusing on the prerogatives of the wife given to her by our Creator in regard to her monetary and psychological maintenance. Although her rights are simple and clear, they’re still often misunderstood, with many, especially in the West, being under the impression that the wife has a financial duty over the house and children. Allah has burdened her with no such task, and expecting from her what Allah does not risks falling under the act of ‘oppression.’

Thus, it’s vital to educate oneself about her due — not only to avoid falling into such a heinous sin but also to ensure a marriage of balance and harmony where both parties are fulfilling the other’s rights.


Read on as we go through what the wife is owed from the husband as decreed by Allah in His Book and Sunnah.

Arguably the wife’s greatest entitlement is her right to be provided for. This includes everything necessary such as shelter, clothing, food, etc.

How much monetary maintenance the wife is due — i.e., whether or not the husband’s financial obligation goes beyond what is necessary — is a matter of division among scholars.

However, good treatment and to “live with them honourably” (4:19) is prescribed by Allah. According to some scholars, this ‘good treatment’ exceeds the bare minimum, encompassing the extras that the husband can afford. This view is further consolidated by the verse below:

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him.”

The wife’s financial rights also regard the mehr (dowry), which she is entitled to once the marriage contract is completed or once the marriage is consummated. This is also a right of mighty weight as, if she is deprived of it, the entire validity of the nikkah will be up for question.

Another right of the wife is access to her own accommodation, meaning a home where she doesn’t have to share a bedroom, kitchen, or bathroom — be it with mahrams or non-mahrams.


Of course, Islam doesn’t order the man to provide what is beyond his means, such as a large house or mansion, but he must be prepared to provide for her a private accommodation according to his means.

Having children is one of the greatest purposes of marriage. This is evidenced by the hadith:

“Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.”

Apart from being a way to strengthen the ummah and bless a marriage, having children also comes under one of the wife’s rights. This means that a husband is not allowed to use contraception without consulting her, and he must also disclose any fertility issues, if there are any, during marriage meetings/pre-marital discourses.

The husband must treat his wife gracefully and live with her in goodness.

It was also reported by Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: 

It is also upon the husband to remain understanding in the face of a possible emotional outburst of his wife, as made clear in the hadith:

“Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a bent rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top part, so treat women kindly.”

Rights Of The Wife 

Marriage distinguishes itself from other types of relationships through its far greater value and magnitude. Thus, it’s generally understood that marriage isn’t something that one can jump into unprepared; there are written and unwritten rules that you must familiarise yourself with first to prepare for this substantial commitment.


Not to mention the Islamic laws surrounding matrimony regarding what is halal, what is haram, what is disliked, what is sunnah, and what is obligatory. Learning and memorising these guidelines in our deen is paramount for any brother/sister beginning the quest to secure a spouse.


Thus, given the weight of matrimony, it’s important to know whether you’re prepared to step up to the plate and accept the responsibility of becoming someone’s partner, potentially for life. Marriage can feel like a multiplex of spoken and unspoken directives that have the potential to cause your marriage to either soar and thrive or come crashing down into a fiery frenzy of chaos.

It can all feel overwhelming, and thankfully, matrimony isn’t at all that complicated or volatile if you’re ready to do it correctly. So how can one begin to know whether or not they’re equipped for marriage?

Awareness Of Basic Rights And Obligations

Marriage is Islamically sacred and is built upon mainly two parts: 1. What you owe. 2. What you’re owed. Therefore, it’s vital to the success of the relationship that you’re fully aware of both parts.

The majority of us have our rights memorised to the T, and we’d easily score 100 on any quiz regarding them. Women have their right to be provided for and to be treated kindly burnt into their memory. And every brother could give a flawlessly executed speech on his right to obedience and leadership. However, when the focus shifts from ‘rights’ to ‘obligations,’ the brother’s/sister’s memory suddenly becomes hazy.


So ask yourself: what would be your rights in a marriage, and what would be your obligations?

Your answer to these questions will guide you to know how prepared you are for marriage by highlighting any blank spots in the knowledge you’ll need to fill to be ‘marriage ready.’

You’ll never know how good of a wife/husband you’ll be until you’re married, right? Wrong. Being a good spouse involves qualities such as patience, trust, kindness, God-consciousness, etc. You can assess these characteristics in yourself by looking at how you are in your current relationships (e.g., with friends, parents, loved ones, etc.).


How patient are you? How open are you to compromising? Your answer to these questions will signal your readiness and what you need to work on.

For brothers, a big part of preparation is scanning over their financial situation to determine if they can not only support themselves independently but also a wife, household, and kids.

Sit down and take a serious look at your monetary situation, as this will be a big indicator as to how ready you are to take on the role of husband.

Reality VS Fairytale, Know The Difference

One of the biggest mistakes brothers/sisters make when getting married is that they enter into matrimony with pre-existing expectations adopted from fiction. The reality of the matter is that marriage can, of course, be amazing and life-changing in the best of ways, but no marriage is consistently perfect and joyous. There will be days of conflict and tension. Do you recognise this, and are you ready to deal with these instances maturely?

How To Know You’re Ready

We’re always told what negative traits to watch out for in a suitor. And for good reason, as at the end of the day, with a union as binding and sacred as marriage, we must be really careful not to end up with the wrong one. However, what we often abandon to seek, as the quest to identify any red flags totally occupies us, are green flags.

Interactions with a potential shouldn’t just be furrowed eyebrows and a listening ear waiting for them to trip up and showcase a possible red flag. Although we must take steps not to end up with a deviant, what happened to noticing and appreciating the green flags too?

Read on as we work to highlight some favourable characteristics in a brother/sister that will help you decide if they’re ‘the one.’

Often, when someone’s Islam is poorly established, any questions regarding the deen will earn a squirmy and clumsy answer. Do you pray? Insha’Allah I’ll make it to 5 times a day. What are your views on feminism or the ‘Red Pill’? It has some truth to it, there’s good in everything…

Someone upright on the path will favour Allah’s command unapologetically and will reject what Allah rejects unapologetically. No ifs, buts, or maybes. If they’re ‘the one,’ you’ll be guaranteed to get a straight answer with every Islamic question you ask.

This goes both ways for the sister and the brother — observe how the potential addresses the guardian. A sister who is, insha’Allah, righteous will be patient and attentive in regards to her wali, and she’ll be accepting of his authority.

A brother who showcases righteousness will be respectful with response times. He won’t be hasty but rather happy to continue at the wali’s pace, given that it’s reasonable. Furthermore, a brother who is, insha’Allah, good will understand the wali to be the definitive figure, and his attitude towards the wali will reflect this.

This refers to a suitor fitting the deen into their daily schedule beyond just the basic 5 obligatory prayers. Everyday life can be hectic with work, studies, leisure, and family commitments; however, a sister/brother who is upon good will understand that the chaos of everyday life is no excuse for leaving off sunnah acts — such as dedicating some time to reading Qur’an, reading some pages of Islamic scholarly literature, learning Arabic, etc.

The green flag here isn’t the amount of time but rather the consistency and willingness to increase time dedicated to Allah every single day.

A brother/sister who is genuinely interested in you will make an active effort to listen and engage with what you have to say during marriage meetings. Bonus points if they remember even the smallest details during the next meeting. However, it’s important to note that a hazy memory of what was said in previous conversations is not necessarily a red flag. There are many reasons, other than a lack of interest, why a brother/sister may have a fuzzy recollection.

They're The One

If there’s one thing that all of humanity can agree on, it’s the complexity and fragility of marriage. A matrimony between two people is a lifelong commitment that is guaranteed to be no walk in the park. Marriage is no doubt a glorious endeavour, granting both spouses love and companionship. However, if mishandled and abused, matrimony can quickly down-spiral into tension, conflict, and eventually complete destruction.

Read on to find easy-to-follow tips on how to prevent the unravelling of your marriage, before and during.

This happens all too often. For instance, a sister may be unhappy at her parents’ house and thus hastens to get married just to move out. Or a brother may recognise an array of severe flaws in himself, leading him to rush into marriage under the impression that his wife can solve these flaws.

We mustn’t view marriage as something that it’s not. It’s a journey and a commitment to one another, and sure, it can be a “fix” for many issues such as loneliness or lust. But those issues that are so deeply personal and burdensome must be addressed before nikah. Matrimony has a weight limit, and continuously offloading years of personal baggage onto your marriage will lead to its eventual breakage.

There are many steps one can take to solve any character dilemmas that must be weeded out before marriage. Examples of such dilemmas are frequent anger, lack of religious commitment, depression, excessive anxiety, etc. Some of these issues can be tackled via avenues of self-help such as watching educational videos on the matter or enforcing discipline in our everyday schedules. However, some of the problems mentioned may require professional intervention. Whatever route you take to finding a solution, just ensure that the problems have been addressed and worked on — you owe that to your future spouse.

Marriage meetings can trigger a whirlwind of emotions, especially if the potential spouse is attractive and alluring both in physicality and personality. But sometimes there may be something in this potential that is clearly off in their practice — e.g., they engage in free mixing, partake in innovation, or watch TV/movies. However, we’ve become so attracted to them and hooked on their character (not to mention that after so many failed marriage meetings we’ve also become pretty impatient) that we rush into a nikah with them. A marriage without Islamic foundations will, in due course, crumble and fall apart.

Therefore, make a firm intention with yourself never to compromise on what really matters. Which is? Everything and anything to do with Islamic obligatory practice. If they can’t abide by even the basic prohibitions that Allah has set out, then what value do you think your marriage will have with them?

Confused about what we should look for in a spouse? Well, the Sunnah has outlined clear guidelines for what we should be seeking in a potential. Although they’re very basic, they’re so often overlooked and cast off to the side, leading to many brothers and sisters entering into marriage with the wrong person.

What to look for in a sister: “Seek the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Bukhari)

What to look for in a brother: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, marry her off to him.” (At-Tirmidhi)

Also, observe their behaviour in the marriage meetings and take mental note:

If the meeting is outside, how are the brother and sister towards service workers such as waiters, cleaners, etc.?

How patient are either the brother or sister with the wali when a generational gap becomes apparent — for instance, him struggling with his phone or with simple English sentences?

The common piece of advice is “know your rights,” and I’m sure we’ve all heard it before — but what about your obligations? The easy part is knowing what we’re owed; the hard part is what we owe. So, are we ready? Entering a marriage without being fully prepared to give your spouse what they are due will lead to the other feeling unappreciated and unloved, especially if they’re fulfilling their own obligations. This imbalance can be fatal to the marriage, risking its eventual end.

How To Avoid Divorce

Once we decide that marriage is something we’d seriously like to start thinking about, we begin to dedicate time watching videos, creating lists of questions, and speaking with others who have marital experience to try and gauge the best ways to verify the quality and character of a potential spouse. We often get so tied up in preparing for the vetting process of a brother/sister that we abandon a very important question. Sure, “would you marry someone like them?” but “would you marry someone like you?”


Before we begin to assess the character of someone else, we must first work on building such desired qualities in ourselves, as at the end of the day we can only expect from others what we’re willing to give.

Surely we all have a set of questions ready for our next marriage meeting or a list lying around from a past one (and if you don’t, make one! It’s a great way to prepare). Turn the tables: ask these questions to yourself, and think about the answers you give. Would you be happy hearing them from somebody else?

Some blunt questions you can ask yourself are: How do you use your free time? What are you currently doing to boost your Islamic knowledge? How much time a day do you make for the Quran? What efforts of self-improvement have you undertaken to prepare for marriage? How do you deal with anger? etc.

Perfection exists within Allah, and Allah alone. Thus, everyone — no matter how knowledgeable, soft-spoken, patient, etc. — is in need of self-improvement. We can begin to find our weak points by asking others close to us. This has the same benefit as asking someone else to proofread your essay for mistakes: fresh eyes. We’ve become so comfortable and used to ourselves and our ways that we often become blind to them. Thus, asking someone close to us to pinpoint our character flaws is a great idea, as it offers us a fresh pair of eyes as well as retrospect.

Some questions you could ask them to gauge a thing or two regarding what you need to work on are: When was the last time I hurt you and what did I do? Am I comfortable to be around — why? How do I handle difficult conversations? etc.

Even though getting as close to perfection as possible is our ultimate goal, this is a lifelong process and won’t be achieved within a couple of months of self-reflection and discipline. Understand this and take it one step at a time. Figure out what you can start working on immediately to build yourself up to be a better future husband/wife — such as how much Quran you read a day, whether you pray your 5 prayers, and if so, whether you pray your sunnan, how much effort you put in with your parents, or towards household maintenance, etc.

When it comes to great people to look up to, Alhamdulillah, Islam doesn’t fall short. We are provided with a plethora of noble figures to admire and embody in our everyday lives. Begin to learn about the patience, character, and devotion of the prophets and sahaba. At the end of the day, what better way to start polishing our character than to actively personify the best people to have ever lived?

Would You Marry Someone Like You?


Marriage is something that the majority of us have on our minds. As we progress through adulthood, we begin to prepare — be it by arranging meetings, working on self-improvement in order to make ourselves the best possible husband or wife, and the list goes on. But for brothers, a big part of preparation is reviewing their financial situation to assess whether they can not only support themselves independently but also a wife, a household, and children.

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…they spend (to support them) from their means.”

One of the greatest responsibilities of the husband is to sustain his wife in all necessary financial aspects: shelter, clothing, food, utilities, etc. This is one of her non-negotiable rights and arguably one of the heaviest duties that Allah has placed upon the husband. Therefore, it is paramount that a brother realises the divine responsibility entrusted to him to financially maintain her.

All basic monetary needs of the wife must be fulfilled by the husband, and in order for the brother to fulfil this obligation, he must be financially stable. You don’t need to be wealthy before marriage becomes feasible, as 

The question of “to what extent do I need to financially provide for her?” comes with many grey areas. Does this only include necessities? What about luxuries? What about things that are neither a luxury nor a necessity, e.g., allergy pills or preferring one particular brand of food over another?

There is a difference of opinion regarding this matter — whether or not the husband’s financial obligation goes beyond necessities. However, good treatment and to 

 (Quran 4:19) is prescribed by Allah. According to some scholars, this good treatment exceeds the bare minimum, encompassing the extras the husband can reasonably afford.

The Sunnah Match Blog

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When Mars And Venus Clash

Avoiding The 'Marriage Mistakes’

4 Things That Feminism Has Gotten Wrong About Marriage

The 5 Love Languages

Rights Of The Husband

Rights Of The Wife

How To Know You’re Ready

They're The One

How To Avoid Divorce

Would You Marry Someone Like You?

Are You Money Ready For Marriage?

Marriage, The Key To Blessings

From Engagement To Nikah

Acing The First Marriage Meeting

The Search for A Spouse

A New Marriage, A New Family