Nikkah in its purest form is no doubt one of Allah’s most beautiful and merciful signs to His creation.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them.” (Qur’an 30:21).
However, when done incorrectly, marriage can quickly go from being a source of serenity to becoming a source of stress and conflict. A covenant as delicate and pure as Nikkah is bound to swiftly go downhill when tarnished with the errors and fallacies of the parties involved.
The worst part is, most of these issues are simple and totally avoidable, if only the spouses had educated themselves on the clear and easy-to-follow ‘dos and don’ts’ of marriage. Yet despite the simplistic nature of their errors, the consequences, contrastingly, hold the potential to augment into something deeply complex.
So let’s learn to steer clear from such mistakes, shall we?
Read on as we work to highlight the most common ‘marriage mistakes’ of today whilst also explaining how we can go about avoiding them.
Forgetting Allah From the Start
A serene and harmonious marriage is no doubt a great form of rizq from Allah. It’s commonly known that a means of securing rizq is through unapologetic servitude to our Lord. Thus, if obedience opens the doors to provision, then it can also be said that disobedience could close those very same doors.
And from the start, countless couples commit the ‘marriage mistake’ of rebelling against Allah. Firstly, through a haram engagement process where the brother and sister start viewing each other as almost friends, and secondly through dubious weddings that are full of free-mixing, extravagance, and music.
If we want Allah’s rizq (in this case a harmonious marriage) from the start, then we must earn it from the start through strictly shunning deviance and enforcing halal.
Disclosing Private Matters
This ‘marriage mistake’ brings several people into a matter that was originally just between you and your spouse. Thus, the issue that may have originally been minuscule becomes far larger, having now been beefed up with anger and conflicting opinions from various outside parties.
Hamper the risk of outside forces threatening the peace in your marriage by strictly keeping all touchy matters between you and your husband/wife. Now, of course, there may be unique scenarios where a third party is required, especially if the complexity of the conflict between you and your spouse exceeds what you’re both qualified to deal with. However, even when this is the case, spreading the word about your clash would still be discouraged, as getting a more experienced third party involved means one other person or very few other people.
Comparing Your Marriage to Others
‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’ Often what social media couples show to their viewers is nothing short of a sugar-coated and spruced-up reality of how their relationship really is. Thus, no doubt, gawking at these online couples and believing that such a flawless relationship is possible (spoiler alert: it’s not) will cause you to resent the flaws in your own matrimony. You will begin to strain not only your marriage with unrealistic expectations but also your spouse.
Ignorance of Your Obligations
Ignorance of your obligations translates into negligence of your obligations, which essentially results in your spouse being denied their God-given rights. This deprivation is bound to cause frustration, conflict, and an imbalance of power.
Steer clear of this ‘marriage mistake’ by educating yourself on your obligations as a wife/husband to uphold harmony, balance, and justice in your marriage.