The months of tirelessly searching for a spouse are over. The families have met, the love has been established, and the walimah date has been set. What felt like it would always remain a dream, never to realise itself, is finally happening — you’re getting married!
The days to follow are often filled with wedding planning, food tasting, dress fittings, piling expenses, and the list can go on for an eternity. As you’re swept up in a tide of dates and tasks to complete, what is often forgotten about and left at shore are the crucial Islamic principles that must be followed during this delicate period.
The dominant worries that often take precedence are your wallet and the impossibly high expectations of the community around you. The deafening buzz of excitement and pre-wedding nerves can often blindside you from what ultimately should be your main concern: not the expectations of yourself and those around you, but the expectations of Allah.
This has the dangerous outcome of Islamic limits, during both the engagement phase and the walimah, being ignored and very casually stepped over.
There will never be a time where you partake in a transaction that is bigger and more important than marriage, so it’s vital that you learn how to do it right. Read on to learn how to correctly handle the very delicate period that sits between engagement and nikah.
Don’t Broadcast The Engagement
“The evil eye is real, and if anything were to overtake the divine decree, it would be the evil eye.” (Muslim)
It is important that, during the engagement phase, we remain secretive and only allow those closest to us, as well as those needed for the process, to know. Not everyone will have your best interests at heart, and not everyone will remember to say Allahumma bārik upon finding out the great news. Thus, it comes as no surprise that concealing your blessings is actually Sunnah. Islam teaches us that if we’ve been blessed by Allah with rizq, then we ought to keep this to ourselves in order to preserve and safeguard the provision.
“Seek help in meeting your needs by keeping quiet, for everyone who is blessed is envied.” (al-Tabaraani)
Thus, in the planning and preparation process, remain as low-key as possible and don’t overshare.
Continue To Fear Allah
Even when both families and yourselves have approved, even when a wedding date has been established, and even when, due to marriage meetings, the ice has been broken between you two — as long as the literal nikah has not taken place, you still remain strangers to each other. The wall of distance often begins to break down between the brother and sister once they’ve become engaged due to them believing that there need not be so much strictness in upholding a barrier between them now. This misconception isn’t only false but also dangerous, as it risks the strict boundaries of Islam being overstepped.
It is obligatory upon both the brother and sister to remember that, until the nikah, they remain strangers to each other. This means no Ikea outings with just the two of you picking furniture for your new home, no bantering around on socials, and no conversing and looking at each other beyond what’s necessary.
Learn The Sunnan Of The Walimah
Oftentimes the walimah is wrongly used by many to swing open the floodgates of extravagance and luxury, with several families burning through as much as 100k — and sometimes even more — in just one night.
Don’t get me wrong, Islam by no means expects you to skimp out on your walimah and, if anything, actively encourages effort and generosity to be put in when hosting the big day. However, what the deen is explicitly against is the immoderation and excessiveness that so many weddings are tainted with.
With expenses often so high that loans have to be taken out, and several family feuds developing over which side will carry the crushing weight of the total financial burden, the joy of the walimah quickly becomes overshadowed with frustration and stress.
This is supposed to be one of the most important and joyous nights of your life, and by learning the sunnan of weddings, you can ensure that your walimah will be one to remember for all the right reasons. Learn what would be halal, haram, and encouraged in Islam regarding weddings to make sure you avoid earning Allah’s displeasure — and instead earn His blessings and reward.