We’re always told what negative traits to watch out for in a suitor. And for good reason, as at the end of the day, with a union as binding and sacred as marriage, we must be really careful not to end up with the wrong one. However, what we often abandon to seek, as the quest to identify any red flags totally occupies us, are green flags.
Interactions with a potential shouldn’t just be furrowed eyebrows and a listening ear waiting for them to trip up and showcase a possible red flag. Although we must take steps not to end up with a deviant, what happened to noticing and appreciating the green flags too?
Read on as we work to highlight some favourable characteristics in a brother/sister that will help you decide if they’re ‘the one.’
Straight Talking Islam
Often, when someone’s Islam is poorly established, any questions regarding the deen will earn a squirmy and clumsy answer. Do you pray? Insha’Allah I’ll make it to 5 times a day. What are your views on feminism or the ‘Red Pill’? It has some truth to it, there’s good in everything…
Someone upright on the path will favour Allah’s command unapologetically and will reject what Allah rejects unapologetically. No ifs, buts, or maybes. If they’re ‘the one,’ you’ll be guaranteed to get a straight answer with every Islamic question you ask.
Respectful To The Wali
This goes both ways for the sister and the brother — observe how the potential addresses the guardian. A sister who is, insha’Allah, righteous will be patient and attentive in regards to her wali, and she’ll be accepting of his authority.
A brother who showcases righteousness will be respectful with response times. He won’t be hasty but rather happy to continue at the wali’s pace, given that it’s reasonable. Furthermore, a brother who is, insha’Allah, good will understand the wali to be the definitive figure, and his attitude towards the wali will reflect this.
Has Space For Islam In Everyday Life
This refers to a suitor fitting the deen into their daily schedule beyond just the basic 5 obligatory prayers. Everyday life can be hectic with work, studies, leisure, and family commitments; however, a sister/brother who is upon good will understand that the chaos of everyday life is no excuse for leaving off sunnah acts — such as dedicating some time to reading Qur’an, reading some pages of Islamic scholarly literature, learning Arabic, etc.
The green flag here isn’t the amount of time but rather the consistency and willingness to increase time dedicated to Allah every single day.
Listens And Remembers
A brother/sister who is genuinely interested in you will make an active effort to listen and engage with what you have to say during marriage meetings. Bonus points if they remember even the smallest details during the next meeting. However, it’s important to note that a hazy memory of what was said in previous conversations is not necessarily a red flag. There are many reasons, other than a lack of interest, why a brother/sister may have a fuzzy recollection.